This song by JJ Heller brings such truth, and tears. I am blessed to have not only God's unconditional love in my life but some great family also. The past few days my Aunt's voice has rung in my head.....your Uncle Steve and I are so proud of you and who you have become, the values you hold. They have never looked down upon me nor given up on me, or become ashamed of me and my wrong choices. They have both fought for me and never excepted anything in return. Now as my Uncle fights the biggest and hardest battle of his life.....I feel helpless. I want to take his pain away. My aunt's pain, such a strong woman! She has had the weight of the world on her shoulders the past few years.
I have since the day the cancer was found wondered "WHY?". All those questions ran though my head! Oh God why him?, why this?, why now?. Then the ok God what do WE do to fix this questions started coming. I was (well still) just numb in complete disbelief. Then I turned to prayer just like any one of his children would do. My prayers where all around about the same. "Oh God hear our cries, hear our plead. I pray that your final report is different then the doctors." And more with about the same content. I had asked so many people to please pray. Not because I wanted people to just know my families issues, but I think prayer can and need to be done and by multiplying that I thought well our odds will increase!! Well we all know how that ended....... I began noticing that the more we needed prayer and asked for it, the more I felt we were being ignored and forgotten. MAN did that bitterness come QUICKLY! As my Uncle continued battling this ugly demon as I call it (cancer), I begin questioning more things in my life. Yep that is how it starts, one thing goes wrong and as humans we feel the need to blame someone. And sadly enough God usually is the one on the other end of that. And yes I am guilty of this as well as my family.
As the doctors came in to his hospital room on Thursday to paint a very grim and no option left news, my Uncle the one whom I love ohh so much had a brief moment of the one I knew and grew up with! He became real adamant that he was going to fight this!!!! He was going to keep his appointment for this Wednesday in Houston at MD Anderson and come up with an option. He is determined, and his will to fight reminded me of some things. One is that the final doctor's report is GOD"S REPORT! And if my uncle could be so passionate in his fight to live longer then how could I not keep my fight to spiritually live! I as a human do not have to understand the events in my life, I just have to have enough faith and trust in GOD to know that he loves us. That as long as we are faithful to him and follow his will for our lives we will be ok. I am no where near where God wants me! But I am going to fight the same fight to live! Just please continue praying for my family in this time.
Thanks!
This is a verse from a song that I found, it's:
I Know You Now by 4HIM
looked at faith, I almost walked away
But I looked again
I found the nerve to close my eyes and say the words
To ask You in
And I heard no heavenly choir
No angels in white attire
I got no amazing super human omnipresent power but
